I’m delighted that Libby Peterson graciously accepted my invitation to guest host the blog today on the topic of partnering with parents of kids with disabilities.

Libby is a long-time staff member currently serving as Director of Family Life at Bay Presbyterian Church in Bay Village, Ohio. Her efforts to support families from the church back in the ’90s who adopted kids with “hidden disabilities” from Eastern European orphanages formed the foundation for the ministry work we do today. Libby also serves as Vice-President of the Key Ministry Board of Directors.

C4EC: What general principles guide your church’s efforts to partner with parents?

LP: We have clarified the Biblical principles around parenting, marriage and faith training – these undergird all we do with parents.  The principles emphasize things like: parents are called to be the primary faith trainers for their kids, the home is to be the center of faith formation and the church is here to help. We teach four “fantastic faith forming family functions” – Talk, Pray, Read, Serve…encouraging parents to talk with their kids about the Lord, pray together as a family, read the Bible together and serve together. We consistently teach that the most important thing that any parent can do for their kids is to tend to the vitality of their own personal relationship with the Lord.  Additionally we try to consistently remind ourselves that ministry always travels along relational lines.

We are coming to believe that every time we tell parents we are here to “equip” them in the faith training of their children we reinforce their belief that they are not adequate AND we feed the cultural lie that parents should contract out each aspect of their child’s growth and development.  Parents need discipleship – to fall in love again with Christ – and encouragement to share what they know and are consistently learning with their kids. The church is here to HELP. Too often churches talk about partnering with parents  when the church is in fact taking the LEAD and expecting parents to get on board with their initiatives.

All these understandings guide our ministry with parents.

C4EC: What unique challenges have you encountered in partnering with parents of kids with special needs?

LP: I feel that all too often we try to partner with parents by working extra hard to fit them into our programmatic mold when what they really need are relationships. Programs CAN facilitate relationships, but only when people can get to them – too often this is not the case for these parents.   We’ve got to stop asking them to come to us to “get the goods” and start going to them!

C4EC: What do parents of kids with disabilities value most?

LP: Parents appreciate Sunday morning buddies – so they can worship, when they can make it to church. They appreciate respite events so they can get a little break – but what they appreciate most is when we begin to actually see their child the way God sees him… as opposed to the way the world sees him. What they appreciate most are authentic, caring, sacrificial friendships.  They appreciate the kind of people that Christ-centered churches should be full of!

C4EC: Any success stories to share from partnering with families of kids with special needs?

LP: We run summer family mission trips – to encourage our families to serve together in the city. Serving together is one of the fantastic four faith forming family functions! We gear all activities such that kids as young as Kindergarten can meaningfully engage and participate with their families.  These mission trips (which involve a Friday evening all day Saturday commitment) have been well received by some of our families with kids with special needs. Families have seen their kids serve others, when they are so used to being served, parents have been surprised to see what their kids are capable of, and the mission teams have been deeply enriched by the presence of each child and their parents.  When our ministry takes us from serving the families of the kids with special needs to serving others WITH/Alongside families of kids with special needs – the kingdom breaks through!

We are coming to believe that every time we tell parents we are here to “equip” them in the faith training of their children we reinforce their belief that they are not adequate AND we feed the cultural lie that parents should contract out each aspect of their child’s growth and development.  Parents need discipleship – to fall in love again with Christ – and encouragement to share what they know and are consistently learning with their kids. The church is here to HELP. Too often churches talk about partnering with parents  when the church is in fact taking the LEAD and expecting parents to get on board with their initiatives.

Updated May 1, 2014

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