And a Child Shall Lead Them

Posted on March 2, 2011 by Dr. G

Late last evening, I heard about something really cool at my church Board meeting that I wanted to share.

Our pastor reported that he’d met with a 14 year-old volunteer from our Breathe Respite events who came to him with a fleshed-out proposal for the church to host a luau this summer as an outreach to 50 adults with developmental disabilities living in our community.

The volunteer came to the meeting with a Power Point presentation, detailed timelines of tasks needing to be completed, a leadership team in place and a plan to raise money for the event through solicitation of local merchants and businesses.

Our pastor reported to our Board that the volunteer pointed out that our church is very active in serving families of kids with disabilities, we were overlooking a group of adults in our community who also needed to experience an expression of the love of Christ.

Stuff to ponder:

While our focus at Key Ministry is to help churches serve, welcome and include families of kids with hidden disabilities with the intent that the kids and their families will greatly benefit from being in a church where they can come to know and love Jesus, there’s a huge potential for spiritual growth among kids given the opportunity to serve in such a ministry.

Next, what would you anticipate the impact will be among the adults in our church who we’re encouraging to engage in missional outreach when they see that a 14 year-old kid volunteering in our respite outreach was able to assemble a team to engage in a significant ministry initiative?

Finally, I’d like to put in a plug for Summer of Service, a week-long outreach for students by our friends at Cincinnati Vineyard in which kids are given the opportunity to engage in tangible acts of service impacting the greater Cincinnati community. Last year, approximately 1,000 kids from 40 churches in 20 states participated in SOS, including the volunteer from our church leading the plans for our luau. Since kids from our church were involved in staging a similar luau last summer on a much larger scale for 900 adults with developmental disabilities from group homes throughout the greater Cincinnati area, our church board expressed confidence in the team’s ability to execute a smaller-scale event with excellence.

 

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“Thinking Orange”…Family Values: Partnering with parents of kids with disabilities

Posted on February 27, 2011 by Dr. G

Welcome to Week Four in our Winter series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Ministry to Families of Kids With Hidden Disabilities. Today, we’re going to look at the Orange definition of family ministry, the principles that form the foundation of the Orange approach to family ministry and challenges that arise in seeking to partner with parents of kids with disabilities.

This week’s discussion covers pages 78-96 in Think Orange.

On Sunday and Monday of this past week, we looked at five values that are foundational for the role of the family in promoting the spiritual development of kids. Today, we’ll build upon that discussion by looking at Reggie Joiner’s definition of family ministry, the principles upon which the Orange approach to family ministry is built, and how the principles come into play in ministry to families of kids with disabilities, especially hidden disabilities.

It’s important to start with a universal definition of what we mean when we use the term “family ministry.” Here’s the Orange definition of family ministry: An effort to synchronize church leaders and parents around a master strategy to build faith and character in their sons and daughters. Reggie goes on to explain that a family ministry should develop the process that drives how both the church and the home combine their efforts to influence the next generation.

The principles that the Orange approach is built upon include:

  • Nothing is more important than someone’s relationship with God
  • No one has more potential to influence a child’s relationship with God than a parent
  • No one has more potential to influence a parent than the church
  • The church’s potential to influence a child dramatically increases when it partners with a parent
  • The parent’s potential to influence a child dramatically increases when that parent partners with the church

Let’s look at how some of these principles may be applied in ministry to families of kids with hidden disabilities.

Principle 1: Nothing is more important than someone’s relationship with God Think of how challenging this principle is to implement on a daily basis for folks in vocational ministry. Imagine how hard this is for parents of kids with disabilities! Based upon the limited data in the research literature, parents of kids with hidden disabilities are more likely to be single parents. Their kids are likely to require far more of their time and attention. Recommended treatments are time consuming and often expensive. In addition to all of the other “idols” that distract us from God in modern life, the day to day needs of kids with hidden disabilities leave parents with less “margin” to pursue their relationship with God.

Principle 2: No one has more potential to influence a child’s relationship with God than a parent. In Think Orange, Reggie introduces the 3000/40 principle. The 3000/40 principle is based upon the observation that a typical kid spends 3,000 hours per year with their parents and 40 hours per year in church-related activities. If we’re trying to build a master strategy to build faith and character in our kids, it makes a great deal of sense to leverage the 3,000 hours a year kids have with their parents as opposed to putting all of our resources into the 40 hours kids spend at church.  This approach is especially relevant in working with families of kids with hidden disabilities, because parents may have more opportunities to interact with their kids compared to families where no disability is present. Let’s just look at our “Big Four” in terms of hidden disabilities in kids:

  • Anxiety disorders (10% of kids ages 5-17)
  • ADHD (9%)
  • Bipolar Disorder (1%)
  • Autism Spectrum Disorders (1%)

Each of those conditions imposes either a significant barrier to social interaction outside the home, requires more 1:1 supervision or attention from a parent, or both. That’s why equipping parents of kids with disabilities with the resources they need to use their time to build faith and character in their kids is so important.

Principle 3: No one has more potential to influence a parent than the church. Earlier in this series, we discussed the importance of families of kids with disabilities having a relationship with a local church and Key Ministry’s role in helping churches to make the connection. Once the connection has been made with a local church, some unique challenges arise in partnering with the families we help churches to serve:

  • Parents of kids with disabilities are likely to be more diverse in their spiritual maturity than parents in the general population. Among the families who come through a practice like ours, we see lots of parents who are quite mature in their faith. Some home-school their kids with disabilities because that approach works better for them educationally and home-school their kids without disabilities because of the obstacles in teaching on matters of faith and values in public and secular private schools. At the other extreme, we see parents who may be more lacking in spiritual maturity. They may have stopped attending church when they were ten years old after being kicked out of VBS at the First Baptist Church…today’s reminder of the “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” principle.
  • Parents of kids with disabilities may have more baggage from negative church experiences in the past resulting from their child’s condition that leaders need to overcome. More so than with parents in the general population, church leaders may need to do more to earn the right to partner with parents from families affected by disabilities.
  • Building influence with families of kids with disabilities may require more energy and effort. They’re often messy. Mom and Dad (if Dad’s in the picture) are often dealing with their own issues. Inconsistency in maintaining the habits that help promote faith development is often an issue when kids are going back and forth between two households, as is likely to be the case for kids with disabilities.

Principle 4: The church’s potential to influence a child dramatically increases when it partners with a parent. See comments in Principle 2 about the 3,000/40 principle.

Principle 5: The parent’s potential to influence a child dramatically increases when that parent partners with the church. It takes a church, working in partnership with a family to raise a child.

In Next Sunday’s post, I’ll elaborate more on Principle 5 in looking at the things every kid…with or without disabilities…needs.

Contact Katie Wetherbee (katie@keyministry.org) or Harmony Hensley (harmony@keyministry.org) if you’re interested in meeting up with out team at this year’s Orange Conference.


 

 

 

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Thinking “Orange”: Warm Hearts…The family’s role in spiritual development is magnified when kids have disabilities…as well as the church’s role (Part Two)

Posted on February 21, 2011 by Dr. G

Welcome to Week Three in our Winter series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Ministry to Families of Kids With Hidden Disabilities. We’re going to finish yesterday’s discussion on the role of the family in the spiritual development of  kids with disabilities.

This week’s discussion covers pages 42-77 in Think Orange.

Yesterday, we began to examine the five “family values” described by Reggie Joiner in Chapter Three of Think Orange that form the foundation of the role of the home in the “Orange” philosophy. We’ve looked at Imagine the End and Fight for the Heart. Today, we’ll look at the challenges families of kids with disabilities face in implementing the final three values and some strategies churches can employ to help them.

Value #3: Make it personal. Parents can’t pass on to their kids faith that they themselves don’t possess. Kids need to see their parents living out their faith on a daily basis, in both words and actions.

I’ve found many church leaders to be very short-sighted in their conceptualization of disability ministry, resulting in the need for more family-centered approaches. How are the kids in the family supposed to come to know and love Jesus if we’re not prepared to welcome the parents to church…and all the other activities we’ve found to be helpful in facilitating spiritual growth?

I had a conversation in my office last week with a parent who started a small group in their home for couples with kids with autism spectrum disorders. The group members pay for specialized child care so they can enjoy their fellowship and study time with minimal interruption. This person wanted to offer the small group to other families attending their church (where small groups are integral to the church’s strategy), but was refused because their group didn’t meet frequently enough (because of the need for child care). The bottom line…If you’re a church leader, we’re happy to help you do what you need to do to get the parents into whatever environment you think helps them to grow spiritually. If they grow in small groups, make sure someone can care for their child while they’re in small group. If parents grow in your worship services, let’s figure out something for the kids while the parents are in worship. The win occurs every time a child with a disability or their family has a meaningful contact with a local church.

Value #4: Create a Rhythm. Families of kids with disabilities are more likely to experience disruptions in the normal rhythms of life. Here’s an example…Mornings are often the time greatest stress in families of kids with ADHD. Kids with ADHD often need constant redirection while getting ready for school and much time and frustration is spent organizing what’s needed for the day before prescription medication has fully kicked in. Dinner is often brief…Ever seen a kid with ADHD try to sit at the table for conversation after they’re done eating? Bedtime often involves considerable yelling and duress because kids aren’t sleepy, haven’t finished homework or are enthralled with their game system of choice.

Churches can help by providing parents of kids with disabilities with the resources to initiate spiritual discussions and support the practice of spiritual disciplines within the rhythms that work best for the family. The folks we see in our office spend a fair amount of time driving to therapy appointments, social skills groups and tutors. Many kids with hidden disabilities will process discussions more effectively one on one in a car with their parent than they will across the dinner table or at bedtime. While many of our leaders in children’s ministry are gifted communicators, most of the time, parents of kids with a disability will often be more effective at communicating important truths with their child affected by a disability than the most talented children’s pastor.

Technology may become a valuable resource to churches seeking to resource parents. What if parents got a reminder pushed to them through their i-Phones while sitting at a traffic light after school of the main theme discussed at children’s worship two days before? Or questions suitable for either 1:1 or family discussions? Matt McKee is a children’s pastor connected with Think Orange who leads a company (R04R) that helps churches develop apps that can be easily adapted to help serve families of kids with disabilities.

Value #5: Widen the Circle. The families we serve in our practice frequently experience great social isolation. The parents don’t regularly get out with other couples. Kids with disabilities (and their siblings) are less likely to be involved in the extracurricular activities that lead to social networks among families. Kids with disabilities are less likely to have friends who invite them to church activities. These families are often most in need of what the church is uniquely positioned to provide…an extended network of adult role models who can demonstrate what it means to be a follower of Christ and reinforce the lessons parents model at home as to who God is and why He can be trusted.

Churches simply need to be intentional in their implementation of strategies that encourage the development of relationships between kids with and without disabilities with adults who model what it means to be a follower of Christ. One strategy involves providing opportunities for kids and youth to serve in meaningful ways with adults from the church, which also gives parents the opportunity to identify and cultivate their children’s spiritual gifts. Another strategy involves “relational respite”…churches are intentional about connecting families making use of respite events with small groups within the church who then provide ongoing respite care along with opportunities for relationships with families in the church who may or may not have children with disabilities.

Next Weekend: Family Values: Partnering with parents of kids with disabilities

Feel free to contact Katie Wetherbee (katie@keyministry.org) or Harmony Hensley (harmony@keyministry.org) if you’re interested in meeting up at this year’s Orange Conference.


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Thinking Orange: “Warm Hearts”…The family’s role in spiritual development is magnified when kids have disabilities…as well as the church’s role (Part One of Two)

Posted on February 20, 2011 by Dr. G

Welcome to Week Three in our Winter series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Ministry to Families of Kids With Hidden Disabilities. Today, we’re going to explore the role of the family in the spiritual development of  kids with disabilities.

This week’s discussion covers pages 42-77 in Think Orange.

If I could take what I’ve learned from my day job and share it with leaders in the church, the most important insights would echo the content Reggie included in this chapter. If there were one “takeaway” for leaders in children’s or family ministry serving the folks we see in our practice, it would be this:

“You can choose to believe that most parents, regardless of their baggage, have the desire and capacity to improve…Your perception of parents’ potential to change can drive how you respond to them.” (Think Orange, Page 47)

Parents of kids with disabilities are often dragging along quite a bit of baggage. Many of them have their own struggles and limitations that undermine the best of intentions when it comes to their personal spiritual development and the spiritual development of their kids. Follow-through may be difficult for many parents, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t want to. The church plays an invaluable role by walking with them, encouraging them and helping them to take the next step.

Reggie outlined five “family values” that form the foundation of the role of the home in the “Orange” philosophy. Each provides unique challenges to families of kids with disabilities. Today, we’ll look at the first two values. Tomorrow, we’ll conclude by discussing the final three values.

Value#1: Imagine the end: Reggie challenges parents to contemplate the question: Who do I really want them (my children) to become?

Having served in the leadership of two churches in addition to my role with Key Ministry, I’m surprised at how many highly committed Christian parents have never asked themselves that question or contemplated how the choices we make for our kids on a daily basis help support our desires for their spiritual development. That issue aside, one of the challenges the parent of a child with a disability faces is the inability to foresee their child’s future in the same way as other parents.

When I’m meeting with parents to share the results of a psychiatric assessment, the most common questions (aside from questions about the advantages and disadvantages of specific treatments) usually relate to what they can expect for their child’s future. How long will they need treatment? How will this condition affect their education? Will they be successful? Will they be popular? Will they develop a substance use problem or land in jail? Will they be able to support themselves? Will they be happy?

The church can help by providing kids with and without disabilities opportunities for meaningful service that takes advantage of their unique gifts and talents…according to Paul, we all have gifts to contribute to the church. I’m aware of a number of kids with disabilities in churches we’ve served who have developed ministries serving younger children with similar conditions. The church is a perfect place for kids of all abilities to discover opportunities for important service in God’s Kingdom.

Value#2: Fight for the heart: Reggie accurately described a majority of kids in my community when he described them as “experience-rich and relationship-poor.” The nature of the disabilities we see in the kids passing through our office is such that parents often take a more active role in monitoring academic progress and encouraging social activity, resulting in ample opportunity for conflict. Just today, I had a parent making reference to the “homework wars” with her high-school age son. I see situations on a weekly basis in which the parent has torched their relationship with their child in order to get them through the seventh grade or engaged in physical confrontations over the use of a computer or game system. It’s hard for parents to reflect the value they place on the relationship with their child in the midst of the daily struggles.

The church can help by providing the parents with opportunities for a little rest and respite to allow them to regain perspective on how they can best build relationships with their kids based upon trust. The church can also be a place where parents can build relationships with leaders and other parents who can help provide wise counsel in the midst of chaos.

Tomorrow: We look at the final three family values-“Make it Personal”, “Create a Rhythm” and “Widen the Circle.”

We’re pleased that our teammate, Harmony Hensley, will be offering two presentations at this year’s Orange Conference in Atlanta. She’ll be accompanied by Katie Wetherbee. We’ll provide info later on how you can connect with them to arrange for free training or consultation for your church following the conference, Click here for conference registration.


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Thinking “Orange”: How churches can pursue families of kids with disabilities

Posted on February 15, 2011 by Dr. G

This post is from our blog series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Ministry to Families of Kids With Hidden Disabilities. Today, we’re going to continue exploring the implications for churches seeking to be “Light” to families of kids with disabilities by sharing strategies for churches determined to pursue families of kids with disabilities. 

If you’re following in Think Orange, read pages 28-41.

One strategy for showing families of kids with disabilities the “light” of who God is that’s consistent with his character is for the church to establish a relationship through meeting immediate needs of the family. One critical need for many families is respite care. Our experience in churches trained by Key Ministry is that somewhere between 25-40% of families making use of free, church-based respite will attend a worship experience at that church within twelve months. Here’s a look at a church that has been a “light” in their local community through a monthly respite outreach that provided regular opportunities for parents and kids to serve together:

An alternate approach for churches seeking to reach out to families impacted by disabilities is “relational respite.” This approach, pioneered by Libby Peterson from Key Ministry’s Board and Director of Family Ministry at Bay Presbyterian Church, involves small groups from the church committing to provide twice-monthly respite in the family’s home. The advantages of relational respite include the connections made between the families served and the small group structure of the local church, the potential for relationships to form between the kids in the families served and adults from the church that reinforce the influence of the parents in  matters of faith and the reduced burden on ministry staff, space and volunteer resources associated with event-based respite.

Here’s a video of Libby’s presentation on relational respite from the Inclusion Fusion Web Summit…

Other churches have sought to meet needs of families and position adults to cast influence through meeting educational needs of kids with disabilities. Our friends at Cincinnati Vineyard participate in Whiz Kids, an evening tutoring program for at-risk kids in schools in low-income areas of the city. Church members from Bay Presbyterian started a school designed for kids with learning issues who were falling through the cracks in Cleveland’s public schools affording them the opportunity to invest in their lives while preparing them to enter high school.

shutterstock_12834553Another strategy involves creating ministry environments or having supports in place to welcome families who want to attend weekend worship. Most kids who have a hidden disability can be included in age-appropriate church programming without “buddies” when ministry leaders are attuned to the effect sensory issues, transitions, program design and specific activities have on kids with common conditions like ADHD, anxiety and Asperger’s Disorder. For others, the availability of buddies to provide some extra support and assistance can make the difference in the parents’ ability to be engaged in the church and benefit from relationships and resources to support them in their role as the primary faith trainer to their children…with and without disabilities.

Meet some friends of ours for whom a welcoming church made a big difference:

Families of kids with disabilities are rarely pursued. Yet Jesus is the shepherd who is willing to go off in search of the one lost sheep. Denise Schamens is the mother of a son with ADHD and another son with an autism spectrum disorder who requires assistive technology to communicate who found a church near their home in Wisconsin that enthusiastically welcomed their family. Check out this video to see the amazing results!

Updated April 28, 2014

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Key Ministry-NewCan you help us to help churches seeking to pursue kids with disabilities and their families? Help us get the word out regarding the free services we make available to churches and families? Help us invite more families to join us for online church? We need you to share our Facebook page with others who can help connect families of kids with disabilities to churches equipped to welcome them. Here’s more on how you can help.

 

Posted in Families, Hidden Disabilities, Inclusion, Key Ministry, Ministry Environments, Parents, Stories, Strategies | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What Does it Mean For the Church to be “Light” to a Family Impacted by Disability? (Part One of Two)

Posted on February 12, 2011 by Dr. G

Welcome to Part Two of our series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Disability Ministry. Today, we’re going to explore the implications for churches seeking to be “Light” to kids with disabilities through showing their families who God is.

This discussion covers pages 28-41 in Think Orange.

Last week, we discussed the importance of establishing connections between families of kids with disabilities and the church. Without connections that facilitate relationships between families and church leaders, the church has little to no ability to cast influence with parents that leads to spiritual growth in kids.

In Chapter Two of “Think Orange,” Reggie Joiner expands upon the image of the church as “light” to kids and families…revealing the character of Jesus Christ and energized by the task of getting kids interested in learning more about who God is. Several quotes that reflect Reggie’s views on the role of the church are listed below:

“The church is uniquely and strategically placed on this planet to display God’s glory to the world. The role of the church is simply to turn on a light…to show the world who Jesus is.”

“God’s intention is for the church to be strategically placed in culture to show himself to the world.”

“Churches no longer focus on what attracts the hearts of people.”

During Christ’s earthly mission, crowds were drawn to him because of his ability to meet immediate, heartfelt needs. Jesus’ healing ministry was so vast that he was constantly aware of its’ potential to become a distraction from his primary mission of proclaiming the Good News. People were drawn to Jesus because of their needs…their need for physical healing along with their need for relief from oppression by their government officials and religious leaders. Their needs drew them to Jesus and provided Him the opportunity to reveal Himself to them.

Family 2In my community, the heartfelt need with the greatest potential for drawing people to the “Light” is the ability of the church to come alongside parents with the tools and strategies to offer their kids a better life…a life built upon the foundation of a relationship with Christ, lived out in a community of caring people and filled with meaning and purpose. If we as a church learn how to do that well, we’ll transform our surrounding community and parents will be beating a path to our campuses.

Continuing in Chapter Two, Reggie continues to ponder what it means for the church to be “light”:

“We have forgotten who we are and what we are supposed to be showing the world.”

“How do we show the surrounding community who God is?”

“You are called to shine a light and demonstrate God’s love and grace to those who need it.”

Who would be most in need of a demonstration of God’s love and grace in a typical, middle class American community? I’d argue from the standpoint of sheer numbers, a case can be made for families of kids with mental illness, trauma and developmental disabilities.

Think back to the story in John’s gospel of  the disciples’ encounter with the man who had been blind from birth, and Jesus’ response. We’ve progressed to the point that most adults attending church on a given Sunday would recognize that the behavior of a child with obvious signs of autism or other “special needs” isn’t the fault of the child’s parents. On the other hand, the parents of a child with ADHD or anxiety having a meltdown at children’s ministry check-in may encounter attitudes and assumptions not dissimilar to those faced by the blind man’s family back in Jesus’ day.

Being “light” to families of kids with disabilities is not without challenges. One challenge involves overcoming negative experiences of church on the part of the parents from the past…they may view Jesus favorably, but have a different opinion of his followers.

Another challenge…a challenge offering great opportunity…is the reality that families of kids with disabilities won’t see the “light” if the “light” never leaves the building. We’re going to have to take the “light” out to them as opposed to waiting for them to come to the “light.”

I think there’s the potential for “multiple wins” here. The very attributes of the church that best reflect the character of God are those that will draw families of kids with disabilities to the “light.” In order to put the “light” on display to families of kids with disabilities, we get to parade the light in front of lots of other folks who may not otherwise get to see the “light.”

You can’t imagine how a network of churches in a community offering high quality, free respite care across a city or region starts exploding preconceived notions of evangelical Christianity in the minds of my colleagues in psychiatry or other members of the mental health or scientific communities. Folks in the public schools start hearing about the “light.” One of my church’s most faithful respite volunteers is a special education teacher in an adjacent community who comes with her son and just happens to be Jewish. She and her son started volunteering at the church after the parents of a kid from her resource room started sharing with her their experience at a respite event held at the church. She’s telling other teachers at the school about her experience, leading to more families from her school becoming aware of the church.

If families of more “typical children” are drawn to the church because the church offers strategies and relationships that increase the likelihood of their child experiencing a happier and more meaningful life, could there be an added “draw” for families of kids with disabilities?

There’s so much to unpack here that I’m going to continue this discussion in our next post. Here are some strategies we’ll consider that have been shown to draw families of kids with hidden disabilities to the church, while affording the church opportunities to show the surrounding community who God is and to share His love and grace with those who most need it:

  1. Strategies that meet immediate needs of families for respite and/or educational assistance.
  2. Strategies that lead to families of kids with disabilities feeling welcome and experiencing the sense of being unconditionally pursued.
  3. Strategies that help families of kids with disabilities to experience a sense of belonging in an authentic community.

Looks pretty consistent with the character of Jesus so far, doesn’t it?

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Front Door LogoRemember…we depend upon YOU to get the word out about The Front Door! The Front Door is Key Ministry’s online church for families of kids who can’t otherwise attend church. Please share this schedule or a link to the Front Door site with any person of family you know who is unable to attend church because they themselves or another family member experiences a disability that makes attending church difficult to impossible.

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Great Opportunity to Learn More About “Orange”

Posted on February 8, 2011 by Dr. G

Here’s a great opportunity for church staff and volunteers serving kids with disabilities to learn more about the “Orange” strategies for family ministry that form the foundation of our Winter blog series.

The folks from Orange are putting on a free webcast on Tuesday, February 15th from 1:00 PM to 5:00 PM EST that will summarize key ministry strategies. Speakers include Reggie Joiner (Orange Founder and CEO), Sue Miller (formerly of Willow Creek Community Church), Carey Nieuwhof (author of Parenting Beyond Your Capacity) and Stuart Hall (Director of XP3, the student division of Orange).

Click here to learn more about next week’s free webcast.

 

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To Make “Orange” You Need Red in Addition to Yellow

Posted on February 5, 2011 by Dr. G

This is the first post in our series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Ministry to Families of Kids With Disabilities. Today, we’ll examine some of the unique challenges families of kids with disabilities pose to churches seeking to form partnerships with parents to promote faith development of children.

For a better understanding of the family-based ministry movement and the place of “Think Orange” in that movement, click here to go to an earlier post on this blog. For those following this discussion in Think Orange, we’re looking at the Introduction and Chapter One (pages 15-27)

The family-based ministry movement is, at the core, about two entities: the church, represented by yellow, and families, represented by red, partnering to make a greater impact or to create a better solution for helping kids grow spiritually, with “Orange” representing the combined influence of the church and families working together toward that common goal.

My presumption, in reading Reggie Joiner’s book and articles from other thought leaders in family ministry, is that the movement is largely focused on helping the church become more effective in advancing the spiritual development of kids from families who are already connected to the church. In our next post, I’ll discuss a more expansive view in which demonstrably effective family ministry can be a powerful evangelism and outreach tool for drawing families to the church. But the first challenge that arises in applying the Orange philosophy to families of kids with disabilities is that you can’t partner with families who lack any connection to church, and the vast preponderance of families of kids with disabilities lack regular involvement with a local church.

Parent Child PrayingFrom a strategic perspective, Key Ministry primarily operates in this space…our “win” occurs when a family or family member of a kid with a disability connects with a local church in a meaningful way. The stuff we train churches to do…creating ministry environments that are more welcoming to kids with common disabilities, helping churches include kids and teens with disabilities into church programming so that parents and “normal” siblings can attend worship services, participate in small groups, Bible studies and missional outreach initiatives, and our efforts to develop church-based respite networks are all designed to increase the frequency and quality of the connections between families touched by disabilities and the local church.

Key Ministry can also increase the likelihood of a win through the roles we play for the yellow team (church). We help the church understand the needs of families affected by disabilities (red) through our training and consultation, and by connecting folks in the church with passion and giftedness in disability ministry with the leaders in the church responsible for Children’s Ministry, Student Ministry and Family Ministry.

Our investment in family ministry is an outgrowth of our interest in what happens to the families after we’ve made the introduction. Our Super Bowl Win occurs when the parents, kids or siblings come to experience and profess faith in Christ and develop a personal relationship with Jesus as a result of their experience in a local church.

During this series, we’ll be focusing on the unique challenges involved in partnering with families of kids with disabilities around the spiritual development of their children, and explore strategies churches may use to partner with such families. In doing so, it is our hope that the church will understand the advantages of the “Orange” strategy in ministry to kids with hidden disabilities and their families.

One final note: The Orange Conference presents an entire track devoted to the topic of “special needs.” Not that there’s anything wrong with the term “special needs,” but the vast preponderance of families of kids with a “hidden disability”…significant emotional, behavioral, developmental or neurologic condition lacking outwardly apparent physical symptoms…that functions as an impediment to church attendance or participation would NEVER think of their kid as having a “special need.” Kids with “special needs” account for only a small fraction of children with conditions that deter church attendance. Our Key Ministry team is focusing on helping churches minister to families of kids with mental illness, trauma and developmental disabilities.

Thinking in terms of “hidden disabilities” also allows church leaders to appreciate the scope of the ministry opportunity that exists among families with a history of involvement in the church and families in their service area. The teen with a 140 IQ and Asperger’s Disorder who refuses to go to youth group because he was picked on by “Christian” kids in middle school, the boy with dyslexia who won’t go back to Sunday School after he was embarrassed when asked to read from the Bible, the mom who quit coming because of the fights that ensued when she tried to get her son in the car for church, the sixth grade girl with social anxiety who slipped through the cracks after the youth leader inadvertently called attention to her during worship, or the single parent who stops coming to church because the loud music and bright lights in children’s church leaves her son with ADHD overstimulated for the rest of the day…none of them would be served by a typical “special needs ministry” but all are in need of what the local church has to offer.

Next: What does it mean for the church to be “Light” to a family impacted by disability?

Updated April 26, 2014


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Key Ministry-NewEver wonder if the often-quoted statistics about divorce rates in families impacted by disability are true? Check out Key Ministry’s resource: Special Needs and Divorce…What Does the Data Say? In this article, Dr. Steve Grcevich reviews the available research literature on the topic of disability and divorce…and draws some surprising conclusions! Check it out…and share with your friends!

Posted in Families, Hidden Disabilities, Inclusion, Key Ministry, Parents, Resources, Spiritual Development, Strategies, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

When should a family seek professional help for their child?

Posted on February 2, 2011 by Dr. G

This post is the first in a midweek series for children’s and student pastors and key church staff or volunteers addressing the topic of how to respond to requests from parents for assistance in identifying professional help for their children with emotional or behavioral issues. Today, we’ll look at some guidelines to help parents determine whether their child needs professional help.

Pastors and ministry leaders are often the first resources parents turn to for advice when their child is in the midst of a significant emotional or behavioral crisis. I’m going to periodically post resources here to help church staff get parents pointed in the right direction when they’re seeking the right help for their kids.

When a parent calls me, the very first question I try to help them answer is whether their child needs professional help. I’ll do that by asking the parent the following series of questions:

Does the problem about which you are concerned interfere significantly with one or more of the following:

Your child’s ability to perform at a level in school consistent with what you’d expect based upon their intelligence

Your child’s ability to function in an age-appropriate way as a member of your family (interacting with other family members, respecting one another, accepting responsibility, participating in family activities)

Your child’s ability to form and maintain age-appropriate friendships

Your child’s ability to participate in age-appropriate activities in the community (church, sports, scouts, art, music, extracurricular activities in school, etc.)

If a child’s problem(s) is such that they’re able to do all of the developmental tasks described above, referral to a professional probably isn’t necessary. If the presenting symptoms or problems interfere significantly in one of those four major life domains (school, family, friends, community), evaluation from a professional is probably warranted.

Here’s a link to an excellent resource from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry on specific signs and symptoms in younger children, preadolescents and adolescents that suggest some professional input might be appropriate. Note: I’d strongly discourage church staff and volunteers from sharing these resources or suggesting professional help unless the parent approaches the church looking for help or direction first! The job of the church is to love, care for and teach all children and families about Jesus, not to treat them.

Next Week: Where should I send families who are asking for help?

 

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Winter Blog Series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Ministry to Families of Kids With Hidden Disabilities

Posted on January 30, 2011 by Dr. G

Over the last few years, the church has witnessed a movement toward more family-centered approaches in facilitating the spiritual development of children. The most prominent leaders within the movement have been Reggie Joiner and his team at the Rethink Group, who are the organizers of the Orange Conference, an annual gathering in Atlanta that brings together approximately 5,000 pastors, leaders and volunteers from churches throughout the U.S. and beyond.

Key Ministry is honored that our teammate, Harmony Hensley, has been invited to present at this year’s conference on the topics of recruiting special needs ministry volunteers and how to plan special needs space.

After reading “Think Orange,” I concluded that many of the principles discussed in the book are especially relevant as catalysts to spiritual development in kids with more subtle, or “hidden disabilities.” During the lead-up to this year’s Orange Conference, the blog will explore how specific “Orange” principles and perspectives can be applied to ministry with families in which one or more children experience disabilities.

Here’s our tentative schedule:

February 6: To make “Orange”, you need red in addition to yellow

February 13: What does it mean for the church to be “Light” to a family impacted by disability?

February 20: “Warm Hearts”…The family’s role in spiritual development is magnified when kids have disabilities…as well as the church’s role

February 27: Family Values: Partnering with parents of kids with disabilities

March 6: Things every kid…with or without disabilities…needs

March 13: Why programs for kids with disabilities are no substitute for an integrated strategy for partnering with families

March 20: Communicating the message…Seek first to understand in order to be better understood

March 27: Helping parents of kids with disabilities to do a “little bit more” without inducing guilt

April 3: Catalysts for spiritual growth…different for kids with disabilities?

April 10: Families of kids with disabilities provide the church with a unique ability to leverage influence

April 17: We’re hoping to attract a prominent guest blogger to tie the series together

For church leaders or parents interested in following along, we’ll be doing a chapter each week in Think Orange. The book is readily available in Christian bookstores in our area. Here’s a link to to a website to download the Kindle version of the book…the Kindle app allows the book to be read on an i-Pad.

Posted in Families, Hidden Disabilities, Inclusion, Key Ministry, Parents, Spiritual Development, Strategies | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments