Fifty is Nifty

Posted on April 19, 2011 by Dr. G

I’d like to publicly thank God for being faithful to his promises and giving me the opportunity for such a great life.

He’s given me a great wife…my best friend, a super mom, very generous with her gifts and talents in serving others. I have two wonderful kids…smart, beautiful, caring, talented. I’m very proud of all of them.

I’ve had the opportunity to help lots of kids and families as a doc for the last 25 years. Work has rarely been boring. I’ve been given the opportunity to teach, travel and enjoy lots of great experiences.

I’ve been given a great ministry to pursue and a fabulous ministry team to serve.

Life has been everything I hoped it would be and more, exceeding all of my expectations. As I get older, I’ve found myself enjoying the journey more.

God is VERY good.

I remember my dad coming home sick on his fiftieth birthday and going to the hospital. He became a Christian in the aftermath of discussions he had with his personal physician. While my dad went on to do some pretty awesome things to honor and serve God, I’m lucky to have come from a family that provided me with a strong spiritual foundation, and to have had a 25 year head start on my dad.

I have stuff I’d still like to do. I’d like to see churches do a better job of equipping and partnering with families and I’d like to lead an effort to do just that. I’d like to be part of an organization to help other people pursue big dreams to honor God through serving other people. I might run for office someday…maybe when my youngest is out of the house.

So what’s stopping you?

If you’re a Christian reading this, I’d challenge you…What do you think God might be calling you to do to step out in faith to serve him? If you’re curious about Christianity, or a “cultural Christian”, I’d encourage you to give as much of yourself as you can to as much of God as you can know.

In either case, you won’t regret it.

Thanks to Jesus for a life experienced more fully.

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Thinking “Orange”…Takeaway Points

Posted on April 17, 2011 by Dr. G

We’ve spent ten weeks looking at how the family ministry philosophy put forth by Reggie Joiner in “Think Orange” could be applied in churches seeking to serve, welcome and include families of kids with hidden disabilities…significant emotional, behavioral, developmental or neurological problems lacking outwardly apparent physical symptoms.

What are the most important take home points?

Disability ministry is about ministry to the family! We’ve encountered many churches that have shied away from traditional disability ministry models focused upon serving individuals with substantial impairments because such ministry is very labor-intensive and requires volunteers who might otherwise be involved with other areas of ministry of great priority to the church. When church leaders consider the opportunity to minister to and influence parents and siblings who otherwise miss out on the benefits of a local church, the potential impact of an inclusive family ministry on the surrounding community becomes readily apparent. The buddy serving a child with a severe disability hasn’t failed because the child hasn’t mastered the lesson of the day. They’ve succeeded because their efforts have created an opportunity to influence and support the child’s parents, allowed the child’s brothers and sisters to participate in their age-appropriate ministry environments, and enabled the family to be part of a Christian community composed of caring people with many gifts who multiply the influence of church staff and volunteers.

Churches need to conceptualize parents of kids with disabilities as partners. I have a sense that some church leaders give lip service to valuing the role of parents in the spiritual development of kids but don’t really believe it. Ministry to kids with disabilities is humbling. Very few churches will have the staff or volunteer resources to effectively communicate with kids with the full range of disabilities reflected in their surrounding community. Parents of kids with disabilities generally have the best understanding about how to communicate with their kids. We’re more likely to be effective at teaching kids with learning differences life-changing truth by partnering with the people who know the child best and have the greatest opportunity to cast influence with them.

Families impacted by disability need churches that are intentional about community. There are lots of barriers to keeping parents of kids with disabilities engaged. Higher divorce rates may result in less consistent church participation for kids. Parents may have more difficulty maintaining active involvement at church because of their own functional limitations. Their kids are less likely to have the friends and level of involvement in extracurricular activities that results in a rich network of adults outside of the family to cast influence. They need friends at church who take the time to call if no one has seen the family for a couple of weeks. They need concerned adults willing to go “the extra mile” so that their kids also have the benefit of adults outside the family who believe in Jesus and live their faith out on a daily basis. Families of kids with disabilities need churches that will put in place the supports necessary to allow all members of the family to participate in the ministry environments offered by the church that most affect life change.

The Orange strategy of creating opportunities for youth and families to experience personal ministry can be incorporated into missional outreach to families of kids with disabilities in your immediate community. Think about the potential for a “win- win- win” situation if your church were to pursue an intentional strategy of outreach and inclusion to families in your community with physical and hidden disabilities. You’re creating opportunities for kids to serve together with their families and opportunities for youth to engage in significant ministry in your local community, both key components of spiritual development in kids. You’re growing your local church through connecting with a large group of families who aren’t currently involved with church. And you’re adding families to your church with gifts and talents and abilities that they in turn can use to serve others and build up your church.

The communication strategies outlined in the Orange model are well-suited to working with families of kids with hidden disabilities. The reality is that the apple doesn’t fall from the tree and that many parents of kids with disabilities are inadequately prepared for the task of directing their child’s spiritual development because they themselves missed out on church because of their own issues “doing church” when younger. The quandary I’ve observed in the process of traveling around and visiting lots of churches is that the churches who do the best job of communicating life-changing truth to the parents described above are also the churches least likely to be intentional about reaching families of kids with disabilities.

The Orange strategy of simplifying communication of the most important things our kids need to know about our faith in a relevant manner, across as many environments as possible makes sense for kids (and parents) with challenges sustaining attention and maintaining priorities. The efforts of the folks at Orange to take advantage of technology to offer parents resources to initiate spiritual discussions and reinforce key truths with their kids will be of great benefit to parents of kids with disabilities.

I hope you’ve found this series to be helpful. Our ministry team would be very interested in hearing from churches implementing the Orange strategy with interest in applying the strategy with families of kids with disabilities, as well as any “success stories” from churches already serving kids with emotional, behavioral or developmental disabilities in an Orange model.

We’re pleased that our teammate, Harmony Hensley, will be offering two presentations at this year’s Orange Conference in Atlanta. She’ll be accompanied by Katie Wetherbee. E-mail Katie (katie@keyministry.org) or call (440) 247-0083 to meet up at the conference.

Click here for conference registration.

Posted in Families, Hidden Disabilities, Inclusion, Key Ministry, Parents, Spiritual Development, Strategies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Special Needs and Divorce: What Does the Data Say?

Posted on April 12, 2011 by Dr. G

shutterstock_174158831It’s not unusual to attend presentations at disability ministry conferences where statistics on the impact of specific disabilities are quoted or repeated and accepted as fact, without citing the original source of the research. I’ve been guilty myself of citing or repeating statistics I’ve heard at conferences without verifying the primary source…I’d NEVER be able to get away with spouting statistics without references if I was presenting at a major medical conference.

That got me thinking about some of the statistics I’d been using in Key Ministry presentations. First, as Christians, we have an extra burden to represent the truth, because people will judge our witness (and indirectly, Jesus) based upon the integrity of what we say and do. Second, the consequences of what I do in my ministry activities have even greater lasting significance than the decisions I make in my medical practice, so the standards ought to be at least as rigorous as the ones I implement in my day job.

To that end, I spent an evening searching out the frequently-quoted statistic of an 80% plus divorce rate in marriages where the parents are raising a child with special needs. I make no claims that this search is all-inclusive. Searching journals in developmental or intellectual disabilities is extremely challenging because few articles are made available for “open access” (anyone can download and read the contents free of charge). I was surprised at how little research exists on the topic. There’s lots of research on the impact of parental divorce on kids, but very little information about the impact of disability in children on parental marriage status or satisfaction.

There are seven studies of good quality that I’ve located on the topic to date…

A study by Wymbs and Pelham (J Consult Clin Psychol. 2008 October; 76(5): 735-744) examined divorce rates and predictors of divorce among parents of youth with ADHD. The divorce rate among parents of kids with ADHD was nearly twice that of couples in the general population (22.7 percent of parents of children with ADHD had divorced by the time the child was 8 years old, compared to 12.6 percent of parents in the control group). If the parents of a child with ADHD were still married by the time their child reached the age of 8, their subsequent divorce rate was no higher than that of controls.

Factors associated with an increased risk of divorce included history of antisocial behavior in the father, mothers with substantially less education than fathers, an earlier age of diagnosis of the child’s ADHD,  children from racial or ethnic minority groups and children with concomitant behaviors associated with Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Conduct Disorder.

Robbers et al (Soc Psychiatry Psychiatr Epidemiol. 2011 April; 46(4): 311–319) examined a sample of over 6,400 children in The Netherlands to ascertain to what extent internalizing and externalizing problems at age 3 preceded and predicted parental divorce. They found that higher levels of externalizing problems (aggression, conduct problems, hyperactivity)  in girls at age 3 (but not in boys) predicted later parental divorce.

A study by Urbano and Hodapp (Am J Ment Retard 2007 Jul;112(4):261-74) compared divorce rates among families of children with Down Syndrome to families of children with other birth defects and families of children with no identified disability. Divorce rates were lower among couples with a child with Down’s than in the other two groups. When divorce did occur in the Down Syndrome group, it was more likely within the first 2 years after the child’s birth. Factors associated with increased risk of divorce among families of children with Down’s included younger age of parents, parents who were unable to complete high school, fathers with less education than mothers and couples living in rural areas.

Swarminathan, Alexander and Boulet (Maternal and Child Health Journal 2006 Nov;10(6):473-479) found parents of very low birth weight (VLBW) infants have a 2-fold greater chance of divorce/separation compared with parents of a child with a birth weight greater than 1500 grams during the two year period following delivery.

Hartley et al (J Fam Psychol. 2010 Aug;24(4):449-57) examined rates of divorce among families of children with autism spectrum disorders. Parents of children with an ASD had a higher rate of divorce than the comparison group (23.5% vs. 13.8%). The rate of divorce remained high throughout the son’s or daughter’s childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood for parents of children with an ASD, whereas it decreased following the son’s or daughter’s childhood (after about age 8 years) in the comparison group. Younger maternal age when the child with ASD was born and having the child born later in the birth order were positively predictive of divorce for parents of children with an ASD.

Baeza-Velasco et al (J Dev Phys Disabil (2013) 25:613-624) examined the occurrence and timing of separation of parents raising children with Autism Spectrum Disorders followed over a 10-year period (n = 119). They compared the clinical characteristics of children and sociodemographic variables between parents who remained as a couple versus parents who separated. The results showed that after 10 years of follow-up 74.8 % of the couples remained together (n = 89), representing a separation rate of 25.2 %. This rate remained stable over the study period. There was no significant difference in any of the clinical and sociodemographic variables between comparison groups. They suggest that “raising a child with autism does not often lead to the dissolution of the parents’ relationship, as is commonly believed.”

Namkung et al (Am J Intellectual Devel Disabilities 2015; (120):6, 514-526)  prospectively examined the risk of divorce in 190 parents of children with developmental disabilities compared to 7,251 parents of children without disabilities based on a random sample drawn from the community and followed longitudinally for over 50 years. They found the risk of divorce increased among families without a child with intellectual disability as the families became larger but did not increase with increased family size among families of a child with intellectual disability. Overall, they saw no significant difference in divorce rates among families with and without intellectual disabilities (22% vs 20%, respectively).

Eun Ha Namkung, lead author of the study, shared this interpretation of the findings…

“Our results clearly show that the effects of having additional children are different for families of individuals with developmental disabilities compared to the effects on the general population, and suggest that other children in the family may be a vital support system for parents coping with the care of a child with a developmental disability.”

A study by Freedman and Kalb (J Autism Devel Disorders 2011 DOI: 10.1007/s10803-011-1269-y) demonstrated the following:

Despite speculation about an 80% divorce rate among parents of children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), very little empirical and no epidemiological research has addressed the issue of separation and divorce among this population. Data for this study was taken from the 2007 National Survey of Children’s Health, a population-based, cross-sectional survey. A total of 77,911 parent interviews were completed on children aged 3–17 years, of which 913 reported an ASD diagnosis. After controlling for relevant covariates, results from multivariate analyses revealed no evidence to suggest that children with ASD are at an increased risk for living in a household not comprised of their two biological or adoptive parents compared to children without ASD in the United States.

Here’s an interesting quote from Dr. Brian Freedman, lead author of the study:

“Results from the analysis found no consistent evidence of an association between a child having an ASD diagnosis and that child living in a traditional versus nontraditional family. Once we control for co-occurring psychiatric disorders, our results show that a child with an ASD is slightly more likely than those without ASD to live in a traditional household. This somewhat counter-intuitive result is likely due to particularly low probabilities of living in traditional households for children with those other disorders, regardless of whether or not they have ASD. In fact, exploratory analyses suggest that having ADHD, Externalizing, and Internalizing disorders are more strongly related to the probability of not living in a traditional household than is ASD.”

Here are my takeaway points following a review of the available data:

The data from the Wisconsin study would appear to suggest that the presence of older children who can help parents with the day-to-day responsibilities of supporting siblings with severe disabilities may play an important role in maintaining family stability. While the data from which the results of the study were derived came from an earlier time in society when families in general were more stable, the results are consistent with what I see in my practice…older siblings who share in caregiving play a critical role in helping families impacted by disability to function effectively.

I also suspect the level of understanding about autism in the community has progressed to the point that having a child with the condition has become more socially acceptable. The same is true of Down Syndrome, which is caused by a specific chromosomal abnormality. Mental health is still a taboo topic. It’s less stigmatizing to have a kid with an autism spectrum disorder than a kid with a psychiatric disorder.

When prevalence rates of autism increase, the government and private foundations (appropriately so) invest money into research to figure out the cause. When rates of ADHD, bipolar disorder, or anxiety increase among kids, the immediate assumption is that lifestyle choices by parents, drug company conspiracies or shoddy diagnosis are contributing factors. I’d hypothesize that parents of a kid with a psychiatric diagnosis are more fearful of being judged by others (say…at church?) than parents of a child with an autism spectrum disorder. As a result, parents of kids with psychiatric conditions may be less likely to have the social supports and the connection to community that helps to preserve marriages.

While experience suggests that families of kids with ASDs very much need purposeful and intentional outreach and support from a local church, this may be even more true in families of kids with psychiatric conditions.

The bottom line is that families of kids with all special needs are in desperate need of local churches where they can experience the love of Jesus through the care and support of friends and neighbors.

Resource…Here’s an excellent download on the myths and realities of marriage for parents of kids with autism spectrum disorders.

Most recent update October 31, 2015

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shutterstock_24510829Key Ministry is pleased to make available our FREE consultation service to pastors, church leaders and ministry volunteers. Got questions about launching a ministry that you can’t answer…here we are! Have a kid you’re struggling to serve? Contact us! Want to kick around a problem with someone who’s “been there and done that?” Click here to submit a request!

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Thinking “Orange”…Kids With Disabilities Present the Church With a Unique Opportunity

Posted on April 10, 2011 by Dr. G

Welcome to Week Ten in our current series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Ministry to Families of Kids With Hidden Disabilities. Today, I’m going to brag a little about the church my family currently attends while we discuss the opportunities kids with disabilities offer for engaging youth in personal ministry. This week’s discussion covers pages 204-220 in Think Orange.

The final chapter in Think Orange emphasizes the importance of creating consistent opportunities for students to experience personal ministry. Reggie Joiner best expressed this strategy when he stated:

“Discipleship is as much about serving and doing ministry as it is anything else. There needs to be a radical shift in the design of most student ministries. Teenagers need to be given responsibility to leverage their influence in the lives of others and to own an area of ministry for themselves.”

One of the reasons churches shy away from serving kids with disabilities is the concern that large numbers of volunteers may be needed for a ministry that can be labor-intensive. But what if churches could reach a large, underserved population of families in their immediate communities while offering students the opportunity to engage in meaningful ministry experiences?

Fellowship Bible Church in Chagrin Falls, OH (the church where my family and I attend) exemplifies this principle in practice. Under the leadership of middle school pastor Tish Luciano and our senior high pastor Keith Melugin, our church has been able to accomplish far more in serving families of kids with disabilities than churches many times our size because students are given opportunity to pursue personal ministry. There are three ways this plays out in our church that impacts ministry to kids with disabilities:

  1. Respite outreach: Our church is able to serve roughly the same number of kids and families through our respite events as churches Key Ministry has trained that are five to ten times our size because of our ability to tap into students from our middle and high school ministries, who often invite their friends from other churches (or friends who are unchurched) to volunteer. We can serve an average of 75 kids per month at respite events because half of the 100-125 volunteers required to execute an event of that size come from our student ministries. Here’s a video that offers a perspective from two of our student volunteers
  2. Sunday mornings: Many of our “buddies” for kids experiencing disabilities of a severity to require 1:1 support come from our high school ministry. As is the case at North Point (Reggie Joiner’s church), our high school kids are expected to serve in some ministry capacity and/or attend adult worship on Sunday morning. We have a ready supply of volunteers who can be trained to serve kids in need who typically aren’t dealing with established volunteer commitments with other ministry teams.
  3. Missional outreach: Students from our church are a key component of outreach initiatives into the city and our surrounding community. Last summer, our students put on a “block party” to serve a community of previously homeless families in Cleveland:

Harmony Hensley, our team member in Cincinnati, serves on the leadership team of Summer of Service (SOS), a week-long experience organized by Vineyard Community Church in Cincinnati in which 900 middle school kids plus adult volunteers from 40 churches in 20 states for a week of outwardly-focused ministry supported by worship and training experiences. I’m excited that my youngest daughter will get to be a part of SOS this year, because the experiences our kids have received at SOS in previous years have been pivotal in establishing a culture of personal ministry among the youth of our church. Last year, the kids in attendance staged a luau for roughly 1,000 adults from group homes throughout the greater Cincinnati area with intellectual disabilities as the culmination of their ministry week. Check out this video if you’d like to see how the week impacted kids from our church. Harmony will be speaking at Orange (not on this topic) if you’re interested in learning more.

Serving on our church’s Board, I’ve had the privilege of seeing this “Orange” strategy result in some pretty incredible ministry done through the youth of our church. Last month, I did a post on Abby…a ninth grader from our church who approached our Senior Pastor with a Power Point presentation, ministry team and detailed plan of execution for doing a luau at our church this summer as an outreach to adults in our county with developmental disabilities. Shifting to a more outwardly-focused approach to ministry has been a major theme in our church over the last two years. Because of the way our students have grasped the concept of personal ministry, our first non-staff initiated event is being led by a 15 year-old volunteer. You can follow her progress and the progress of our team on Facebook at FBC Luau 2011.

Next Sunday: The most important takeaway points from “Orange”

We’re pleased that our teammate, Harmony Hensley, will be offering two presentations at this year’s Orange Conference in Atlanta. She’ll be accompanied by Katie Wetherbee. E-mail Katie (katie@keyministry.org) or call (440) 247-0083 to meet up at the conference.

Click here for conference registration.


 

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The Blessings of Technology

Posted on April 5, 2011 by Dr. G

At 10:00 AM Eastern time today, ministry leaders, church staff and volunteers from anywhere in the world will be able, through their computers, Skype or smart phones, to view a presentation I did on behalf of Key Ministry from my home church in Chagrin Falls, Ohio and chat with me online after the presentation. They’ll be able to do the same for seven other children’s ministry leaders today, and view presentations from Harmony Hensley and Katie Wetherbee from our Key Ministry team later in the week and interact with them online as well.

In my day job as a child and adolescent psychiatrist, great attention has been directed to the problems kids experience because of the Internet…cyberbullying, sleep deprivation because of late night texting with friends, distractions during study time and concerns that too much time online may lead to attention problems to name a few. But consider the positives for a minute.

When our team is old and gray (some of us are already there) and reflecting back on our Key Ministry adventures, we’re going to look back upon this week as a turning point.

Up to now, the scope of our ministry has been limited by the ability of trainers to take time away from their families and work responsibilities to travel to churches and church conferences and the costs involved with travel and producing resources to be shared with the churches we serve. Because of the resources that folks like Jeremy Collins have developed, our team can make our training, consultation, resources and support available, free of charge, to churches everywhere. We’re no longer tied only to those cities where we’ve been able to offer extensive live training (Cleveland, Cincinnati, Des Moines, Houston, Orlando, etc.).

In the next few weeks, you’re going to have the opportunity to visit a website that will allow families of kids with disabilities everywhere to go online, complete a one-time registration, and after entering their zip code parents will be able to do a one-click signup for high quality, free respite care at a Christ-honoring church in their local area. This will be possible because we’re going to make the training necessary for church staff and volunteers to offer the service with excellence available for free online through Pajama Conference or a similar resource. Resources to help include kids with disabilities and their families in all the activities offered through the local church will also be available. There’s also a good chance that there will be smart phone apps available later this year to help churches provide parents of kids with disabilities with resources to equip them for their role as their children’s primary faith trainers.

We’ll continue to face big challenges.  Key Ministry has always been different because we don’t just offer resources, but relationships. A pastor or ministry leader can email or call us and connect with an experienced person to help problem-solve a response to a challenging kid or family. We can’t lose that…after all Christianity is a relationship, not a religion. Figuring out how to maintain relationships when the churches we serve number in the thousands will force us to continue to rely upon God for wisdom and direction, but the opportunities are pretty mind-boggling.

We’re not to the Promised Land yet, but I feel like I can see it from where we’re standing this morning.

There’s still time to register for FREE for Key Ministry’s presentations during this week’s Children’s Ministry Telesummit. Go to http://www.pajamaconference.com.

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Thinking “Orange”: Catalysts for Spiritual Growth For Kids With…and Without Disabilities

Posted on April 3, 2011 by Dr. G

Welcome to Week Nine in our current series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Ministry to Families of Kids With Hidden Disabilities. Today, we’ll examine strategies for enhancing spiritual growth in kids with disabilities. This week’s discussion covers pages 184-203 in Think Orange.

This past Wednesday, we reviewed the available data on what helps kids to grow spiritually. I’m not aware of any research looking specifically at the topic of spiritual growth in kids with disabilities, but I am aware of MANY ways in which disabilities (more specifically, hidden disabilities) pose obstacles to spiritual growth. Today, we’ll look at the catalysts to spiritual growth discussed in Chapter Nine of Think Orange, and propose ten strategies that could be useful in ministry to kids with hidden disabilities and their families.

In the Orange model, five main avenues of spiritual growth are considered:

  • Life-changing truth
  • Spiritual disciplines
  • Personal ministry
  • Significant relationships
  • Pivotal circumstances

A key component of the Orange strategy involves the intentional involvement of leaders into the lives of our children and teenagers who partner with their parents in the work that God is doing. Churches serve a valuable role by offering another trusted adult to help their sons and daughters interpret life situations. To quote Reggie Joiner,

“Children have a better chance of understanding and interpreting life-changing truth when multiple influencers in their lives are all saying the same thing.”

In the Orange strategy, provision of consistent leaders who walk with kids and parents for multiple years, staying connected through life transitions, is a high value.

Key faith skills taught in the context of these relationships with leaders include the ability to:

  • Navigate the Bible
  • Personalize Scripture
  • Dialogue with God
  • Articulate Your faith
  • Worship with your life

So far, so good. All of these faith skills are consistent with what was found to be effective in our review of the research. But what if a kid has a significant emotional, behavioral or developmental disorder that makes it more difficult to participate in the program or stick with the program? Here are ten suggestions…some are demonstrably effective, some are still working hypotheses based upon 25 years of experience as a clinician and many years of active involvement in churches. All of these suggestions are applicable to any kid or family being served by your church, and are applicable to kids with and without identified disabilities:

  1. Churches can help kids and parents prioritize what to study in the Bible, using technology to push the content to the parents. Kids with conditions such as ADHD (and their parents with ADHD) have difficulty setting priorities. Because church is not a part of the daily routine and may be noisy and chaotic at transition times, kids have more trouble remembering to bring home content you want them to share with parents. You can’t depend upon kids to get the content home or to share it with parents. Instead, you need to have a system of getting parents the resources they need that doesn’t depend upon their child.
  2. Churches can help provide reminders to kids and parents to practice spiritual disciplines. Kids with many HDs need lots of reminders. So do their parents. My office might be empty if our support staff didn’t make reminder calls.
  3. Churches can help parents initiate spiritual conversations with their kids. One advantage of having a hidden disability is that kids with HDs may have more time available for conversations with parents. Difficulties with gross or fine motor coordination, self-regulation or social relationships are frequently impediments to participation in time-consuming extracurricular activities (sports, clubs at school) that compete for time with family.
  4. Churches can be intentional about building into relationships with parents of kids with HDs. One very large, multisite church where our Key Ministry team offered training had developed a working hypothesis that kids with hidden disabilities were more likely to be inconsistent attenders. Their hypothesis seems plausible…If divorce rates are higher in families of kids with disabilities, children may have an every other week visitation with the non-custodial parent. Because the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, kids with disabilities that impact the capacity for self-discipline often have parents with difficulties maintaining consistency with spiritual practices. Do your leaders call parents if a child in their small group hasn’t come for two or three weeks in a row? If your church uses small groups as a strategy for helping parents to be accountable to one another, would a divorced parent feel welcome, or are your groups “couples only?”
  5. Kids with HD’s (especially anxiety) struggle with transitions from one age group to the next. They tend to fall away from the church during the transitions from elementary to middle school and middle school to high school ministry. Younger kids who are shy or anxious can feel intimidated moving to larger environments when they see older kids who have already formed relationships with one another. What if your small group leaders transition with the kids as they enter into new age-grouped ministry environments?
  6. Social media may be a tool to draw kids into relationships at church. Up to 10% of school age kids experience anxiety disorders. Getting kids with anxiety disorders together to do groups is like herding cats. My epiphany on this topic occurred when I saw that a high school kid I’d enrolled in a social anxiety study had 609 “friends” on Facebook. What if you streamed your middle school and high school ministry content and made available leaders to facilitate small group discussion online, with the ultimate goal of getting kids comfortable enough with one another to meet at church?
  7. Be intentional about helping parents, together with their kids with HDs to identify their gifts and talents and give them opportunities to use them. The focus in school with so many of our kids with disabilities is on weaknesses. Church can be a place where kids can feel good about participating in the expansion of God’s Kingdom.
  8. Create opportunities for families to serve together with their kids with HDs. Respite events serving as an outreach to families of kids in the surrounding community with disabilities are a great way for kids of middle or high school age to serve together with their parents.
  9. Give kids and youth opportunities for meaningful service at church. Many kids with HDs are “doers.” If you’re looking for a successful model of inclusion in meaningful service activities, look no further than Cincinnati Vineyard’s Summer of Service experience.
  10. Finally, develop inclusive environments for families of kids with HDs, and have supports in place that allow parents, siblings to fully participate. Make sure you have supports in place (access to appropriately trained child care) if you expect families to connect through your weekend worship, small group, large group, teaching and serving environments.

This coming week, our Key Ministry team is honored to participate in the first Annual Children’s Ministry Telesummit, sponsored by Pajama Conference. My presentation on The Impact of the Three A’s… ADHD, Anxiety and Asperger’s Disorder on Spiritual Development in Kids will be available continuously throughout the day on Tuesday, April 5. Harmony’s discussion on Outward-Focused Inclusion Ministry will be available throughout the day on Thursday, April 7. Katie Wetherbee presents her workshop on All in the Family: Practical Strategies For Communicating With Parents of Children With Disabilities throughout the day on Friday, April 8. The entire Telesummit is available free of charge, and the sessions are available via phone, Skype or Web. Download the Telesummit program here, or register for the conference here.

Posted in Families, Hidden Disabilities, Inclusion, Key Ministry, Parents, Resources, Spiritual Development, Strategies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Autism Awareness Day: Guest Blogger Colleen Swindoll

Posted on April 2, 2011 by Dr. G

Insight for Living is among the most prominent Christian organizations to champion the cause of kids with special needs and their families. Chuck Swindoll has dedicated broadcasts to addressing  the spiritual needs of parents raising kids with emotional, behavioral, developmental or physical disabilities. His family has had firsthand experience with the topic. His youngest daughter (Colleen) is raising a son who has been diagnosed with autism.

Colleen also serves as the Director of Special Needs Ministry at Insight for Living, where she regularly blogs, maintains an active presence on Facebook under the “Special Needs Ministry” page, personally ministers to parents and families worldwide struggling to raise kids with disabilities, and has assembled an array of resources for parents of kids with special needs.

In honor of Autism Awareness Day, Colleen has shared these reflections, meant to be an encouragement to parents of kids everywhere with autism spectrum disorders. Thanks, Colleen!

Shock. Disbelief. Anger. Hopeful. Bewildered. Relieved.  Words that represented my feelings leaving the doctor’s office that day; and feelings that wave through my soul like the sea swells through the oceans.  My son was diagnosed with Autism 12 years ago; 1 in 10,000 children were diagnosed with the same lifelong, no cure disability.  The icy, windy winter afternoon, it was clear that Jon’s life, my life,  and all of life would not fit the picture I had painted.

In it all, I want you to know, you are not alone. Finding a “new normal” is not easy.  Life is challenging. But you are never alone.  There is much loneliness, but you are not alone. Jesus Christ experienced everything you endure; He walked through the anguish and walks with you today. He encountered social battering,  religious rejection, and was betrayed by His closest friends.  Christ had siblings who didn’t understand their brother. He wept, He begged God to find another way, and eventually, He was killed.  But, that was NOT the end of his life; this was the beginning of life eternal.

Today, 13 years into Jon’s life, his complicated disabilities have not been reduced, they have grown.  His diagnosis includes: severe Tourette ’s syndrome, autism, intellectual and global developmental disabilities, ADHD, OCD, ODD, and complicated trauma syndrome. He has endured bullying and profound mistreatment. Yet, in it all, I have more freedom, more joy, more hope because it is birthed and grown by the grace of my sovereign, faithful, good, unlimited God and Heavenly Father.  Dear friend or parent, if I may offer you some rays of hope in the dark tunnel of autism, may our Lord be honored and your soul be filled with hope.

Limited to 10 truths, I pass along the following lessons I’ve learned:

1)      I have learned: You cannot handle the burdens of life. If you could, would you need a Savior. Strength to carry on is given by God alone so depend on Him.

2)     I have learned:  There is a profound purpose in loneliness and isolation.  Darkness reveals the true condition of your soul which is being refined through fire.

3)     I have learned:  Rejecting the help of others reveals pride, not strength.  Part of soul care means humbling oneself under God and accepting His grace.

4)     I have learned:  Misplaced hope is not true hope.  Therapies, studies, doctors, specialists, examinations, report cards, school advocacy, diets, answers will never provide you with a final answer and renewed hope.  Hope comes only from the Lord.

5)     I have learned:  True forgiveness is tough when judgment, rejection, and betrayal come our way.  Forgiving or resenting is a choice; forgiving is a command. Asking God for help to forgive opens our soul.

6)      I have learned:  There is a vast difference between ‘the God of my Bible stories” and “the God of the Bible”.  Abiding faith does not come from false beliefs but from the truths of God; immerse your mind on what is true.

7)     I have learned:  God is NOT required to answer our questions.  Entitlement demands answers; God is never required to give an explanation.

8)      I have learned:  Resentment reflects my selfishness. Finding relief is not what God promises; becoming self-less brings relief.

9)     I have learned:  God’s love is unconditional.  Authentic faith is cultivated when we believe God embraces us with His love.

10)    I have learned:  accepting Christ as my eternal Savior is the only way on the journey of life with autism. In Christ, there is eternal hope and joy.  Life is tough, but God is always good and faithful.

Posted in Autism, Hidden Disabilities, Parents, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Resources on Autism for Church Staff and Volunteers

Posted on April 1, 2011 by Dr. G

In honor of World Autism Awareness Day tomorrow (April 2) and Light it Up Blue (tonight and tomorrow), I’d like to share three excellent ministry or educational resources with our friends who currently serve on staff or volunteer in churches with an interest in becoming better equipped to welcome and include kids with autism spectrum disorders and their families.

First, I’d direct folks to Making Room, the online ministry of Michael Woods, who is also the newest member of our volunteer training team at Key Ministry. Michael serves in his day job as an autism and inclusion specialist for the St. Louis county schools in Missouri. More importantly, he serves as Dad to 13 year old triplet boys, each of whom has been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. In his Key Ministry, Mike will be educating on relationship issues between parents and churches.

The Making Room website contains links to many useful free downloads for church staff and volunteers. Mike also has a You Tube site with many brief training modules of great practical value to staff and volunteers in church settings, including modules on crisis management, visual schedules, behavior management and limit-setting. He hosts a popular show on Blog Talk Radio in which he addresses topics related to autism and the church. Mike shared his personal experiences in looking for a church as the father of three sons with autism last month on our blog.

Friendship Ministries in Grand Rapids, Michigan has had a longstanding mission of helping churches include adults with intellectual disabilities. In recent years, they have been very proactive in developing resources for local churches to support inclusion of children and adults with autism. Their book, Autism and Your Church (available for purchase) contains many practical resources for church staff and volunteers serving persons with autism.

Finally, for any church staff, volunteers or parents with a great interest in learning more about autism, the Yale Child Study Center has made available online, and free of charge, the University’s complete undergraduate seminar on Autism and Related Disorders over the web, taught by some of the world’s top researchers.

Our team at Key Ministry is grateful for the opportunity to help churches serve, welcome and include children and youth with autism spectrum disorders and their families.

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What Helps Kids Grow Spiritually? A Look at the Data

Posted on March 30, 2011 by Dr. G

This coming Sunday, we plan to look at catalysts of spiritual growth in kids with hidden disabilities as part of our family ministry series, “Thinking Orange.” In preparation for that discussion, we thought a look at the available research on spiritual development in kids would be in order.

For the purpose of this discussion, we’ll examine data from three different sources:

Search Institute Study of Impact of Christian Education…a 3 ½ year long study examining indicators of faith maturity in 2,365 youth, primarily from mainline denominations (PC-USA, UMC, UCC, ELCA, Disciples of Christ, with Southern Baptists as used as a comparison group. Here’s a link to their report:

http://www.search-institute.org/protected/youth_in_protestant_churches.pdf

Lifeway research project by Clay Reed and Ed Stetzer…interviews of parents of 1,005 young adults between the ages of 20-35 examining parenting practices that contributed to positive spiritual outcomes in young adults. The research is to be published in an upcoming book. Here’s a video of Ed Stetzer presenting the data:

Barna Group: Research summarized in the book Revolutionary Parenting (Tyndale Press, 2007). The Barna Group condensed information from in excess of 1,000 interviews with parents of young adults, comparing parenting and religious practices of parents with grown children characterized as “spiritual champions” to practices in Christian homes in which young adults failed to meet such criteria. Here’s a link to the Barna website describing the book.

http://www.barna.org/store?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=42&category_id=1

In the Search Institute study, the key predictors of “integrated faith” were the frequency of discussions with parents about matters of faith, the frequency of family prayer, devotions and Bible Study exclusive of meal times, the frequency with which parents and children were actively involved in serving others as a family and finally, lifetime involvement in Christian education. Less important factors included lifetime church involvement, religiousness of best friends, experience of a “caring” church, lifetime involvement in serving others and non-church religious activities.

In the Lifeway data, the most important predictor of positive adult spiritual outcome was the time kids spent in prayer. Other significant predictors (in order) included grades in school…better grades were associated with better spiritual outcomes, the child not being “rebellious”, the child having connected with a senior pastor or youth pastor, parents not using time out to discipline child…49% used time out in the group with the most positive spiritual outcomes,  regular service at church while growing up and participation in ministry or service projects as a family.

In the Barna data, (I’d strongly encourage anyone with an interest in this topic to purchase or download the book if you haven’t already) a number of interesting observations were made. The parents of young adults characterized as spiritual champions saw themselves (not the church) as having primary responsibility for faith training of kids. They saw the church’s role as one of reinforcing lessons taught at home. Parents of spiritual champions wanted to be more aware of their child’s church experience, were more likely than typical parents to withdraw their children from church activities if the experience doesn’t meet the parent’s expectations and their satisfaction with children’s/youth ministry was inversely proportional to their expectations of such ministry. Their faith practices were consistent with those described in the Search data and the Lifeway data. The parents of spiritual champions in the Barna data were more likely to come from single-income households in which parents spent significantly more time in conversation with their kids than the norm in U.S. culture and were intentional about helping their kids develop a mature Christian faith. They were also more likely to prioritize their child’s character development as opposed to their achievement.

What did all of these studies have in common, and what would I want to focus on as a parent if I want to increase the likelihood that my kids are going to grow up to be mature Christians, actively engaged in a local church and using their gifts and talents in serving others?

  • I’d want to pray regularly with my kids, and have them see my wife and I praying regularly.
  • I’d want my kids to see my wife and I studying the Bible regularly, and initiate spiritual conversations with them on a regular basis about applying Biblical teachings in day to day life.
  • I’d want to pursue opportunities to serve other people as a family through my church.
  • I’d want to make sure my kids saw my wife and I going to church every week, and encourage them to participate in the ministry offered at church for kids in their age group. I’d also encourage them in forming relationships with pastors or youth leaders outside of our home who will support and reinforce the values we’re trying to foster in our kids.

I’ll refer back to this data on Sunday for our discussion on catalysts to spiritual growth among kids with hidden disabilities.

 

 

Posted in Families, Parents, Spiritual Development, Strategies, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

“Thinking Orange”…Helping Parents of Kids With Disabilities Do A Little Bit More

Posted on March 27, 2011 by Dr. G

Welcome to Week Eight in our Winter series: Applying “Orange” Principles in Ministry to Families of Kids With Hidden Disabilities. Today, we’ll examine strategies for increasing parental involvement in the spiritual formation of kids with disabilities. This week’s discussion covers pages 158-183 in Think Orange.

I’d like to share some random thoughts this morning on the ideas shared in this chapter, entitled “Reactivate the Family.”

Earlier this month, Libby Peterson did a guest post on the topic of churches partnering with parents. In her post, Libby made the following statement:

We are coming to believe that every time we tell parents we are here to “equip” them in the faith training of their children we reinforce their belief that they are not adequate AND we feed the cultural lie that parents should contract out each aspect of their child’s growth and development.  Parents need discipleship – to fall in love again with Christ – and encouragement to share what they know and are consistently learning with their kids. The church is here to HELP. Too often churches talk about partnering with parents  when the church is in fact taking the LEAD and expecting parents to get on board with their initiatives.

For our friends in children’s ministry, I’d echo the question Reggie Joiner posed at the beginning of the chapter: Do you really believe in the potential of parents? Including parents of kids who don’t think and react and behave like other kids? I do. At times, it hasn’t felt that way in trying to get such a style of family ministry up and running in the community where I work.

If the leadership of the church doesn’t really believe in the potential of parents, there’s next to no chance that they’ll recognize the potential in parents of kids with “issues.” Over the last six months, readers of this blog have been introduced to parents like Barb Dittrich, Rebecca and Jamie Adam and most recently, Mike Woods. The parents I’ve met in the course of leading Key Ministry have only reinforced my belief in their enormous potential of families as agents of spiritual growth. 

Reggie categorized parents as aware, involved, engaged or invested. Parents of kids with disabilities are far more likely to fall into the “aware” category…they would check out church if they thought the church was relevant, or if the church could help them with the moral or spiritual development of their kids.

A mindset of “Outward-Focused Inclusion” is necessary if parents of kids with disabilities are going to be involved in significant numbers in the local church. Children’s ministry leaders need to see themselves as pastors to all of the kids in their community, not just the kids involved in weekend or midweek programming. Respite outreach is an effective evangelism tool because free respite serves as an expression of the church’s willingness to help meet a tangible need of parents of kids with disabilities and helps parents to recognize that a relationship with a local church can help.

Churches can help by providing a support system, consistent influence, and a steady flow of relevant information. One of the most tangible benefits the guys at Orange will provide to the local church will involve the development of apps and wireless technology to deliver a steady flow of relevant content for parents of kids with and without disabilities to offer daily prompts to “do a little bit more.” Churches can also help by getting more serious about offering the supports necessary…especially support with child care…so parents of kids with disabilities can fully take advantage of being a part of Christian community…small groups, Bible Study, service opportunities. We as the church have a tremendous opportunity to address the social isolation experienced by families of kids with disabilities in a way that helps families to experience the extravagant love of Christ. We just need to act on it.

Shared worship experiences may be useful as outreach for kids with specific hidden disabilities…ADHD and Separation Anxiety Disorder come to mind. I had an opportunity to sit in on a “Kid-Stuf” production six years ago at Buckhead Church in Atlanta. My first reaction was to think this would be the perfect church experience for a school-age child with ADHD. The flexibility offered by such services…the ability for kids to move around during the worship experience accompanied by the presence of parents seems to be a perfect fit for kids who would have more difficulty in more traditional worship or children’s ministry settings. I’m interested in hearing from ministry leaders offering the family experiences (FX) to see if their observations support the hypothesis that families of kids who have difficulty with self-regulation are drawn to FX-type worship events.

Next Sunday: Catalysts for spiritual growth…different for kids with disabilities?

We’re pleased that our teammate, Harmony Hensley, will be offering two presentations at this year’s Orange Conference in Atlanta. She’ll be accompanied by Katie Wetherbee. E-mail Katie (katie@keyministry.org) or call (440) 247-0083 to meet up at the conference.

Click here for conference registration.



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